Boscolicious

5 Years Ago Today

2006-09-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

I was thinking how different my life is today on September 11th, 2006 compared to 5 years ago when the world changed. I'm not talking about the big stuff like when we flinched everytime we saw plane a little too close to a building or being at Giants Stadium and feeling weird about how the view of the skyline from the parking lot was completely different than anything we had ever seen.

Work: I had just taken my first non front desk hotel job and now find myself as the Assistant Department head for a downtown hotel. Back them, I was lucky to not get laid off after the industry pretty much slowed to a crawl. Now I've got my eye on what will happen if/when my current hotel is sold. Since then, I've gone from the Parker House to a couple of different hotels with the Four Seasons.

Living: I was living north of Boston in Beverly in a place that was far enough away from the 'rents to prevent a pop-in, but close enough that it wouldn't be an overnight trip. I now am in a really cool condo with a view of the lake by Wrigley Field in Chicago. In between, there have been 3 other places. One in Maryland and 2 right here in Chicago.

Personal: Back in 2001, I had just gotten engaged. The wedding wouldn't be for another 2 years and the marriage would last just shy of 3 weeks. Today I find myself with someone going on nearly two years. In between, not a whole lot to report. There were girls, but nothing of any substance. One was even a Steelers fan ughh!!!

Speaking of sports, when the towers fell, the Red Sox were still cursed and the Patriots had never won a Superbowl. The Yankees were defending World Champions and the NHL was still quite popular. In the time since then, the Red Sox have won a World Series and the Yankees haven't. The Patriots have won 3 Superbowls and the NHL cancelled an entire season and nearly buried itself in its own stupidity.

I guess most of this came to me when I was at Joe's yesterday. I couldn't wear my old Pats jersey since the player made like Judas and bolted to the Colts. The jersey I wore was an old Bledsoe jersey with an American flag sewn on the back. We had done that 5 years ago when we attended the Patriots home opener. It had been delayed when the NFL put the season on hold for 2 weeks. This was the first game after the attacks and we wanted to look extra Patriotic, no pun intended. I thought it was fitting that I would choose that jersey for yesterday's game.

By the way...Bledsoe got hurt in that game and was replaced by a 2nd year player who started the preseason as the #4 QB. His name? Tom Brady.

Bledsoe would never start for us again. Thank you Mo Lewis!!!

Two Jews Walk Into Fenway

2006-08-17T15:50:00.000-07:00

Sadly, I didn't catch this live since NESN is not available out here even with a dish. The Sox may have lost the game, but they definitely win the most Anti-Mel commentary of the evening. Check out this gem...

Happy 25th!

2006-07-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

25 years ago, the rocket lifted off and the Buggles came on the screen letting us know of the demise of the radio star. It's scary that I'm really good friends with someone that has been around less time than MTV. I remember they used to play videos and then at least had VH1 played some videos. Now with such lovely fare as Fresh Meat on the original and The Surreal Life on junior, you pretty much need digital cable for a chance to catch a video with either the deuce or VH1 Classic.

Tonight they are rebroadcasting the 1st day from 25 years ago starting at 11PM. Yes, I am recording it. I know this makes me a dork, but "I want my MTV!"

Long Live the Moon Man!

I Knew It!!!

2006-07-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

You Are 82% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

The bikes come out at night

2006-07-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well I did my first post-MS Ride last night/this morning. I remember last year's L.A.T.E. Ride being a nightmare due to being packed in so tightly that I could barely move. This year I was near the front of the pack and as soon as they let us start, Liz and I took off. We wound up passing the pace car a couple times and got to a deserted rest stop for part II of Peanut Butter Jelly Time.

We wound up finishing the 25 mile ride in just under 2 hours. Not bad when you factor in the 25 minutes we spent eating Uncrustables and granola bars. The worst part was getting back at 3:30 and having to wait for the sun to rise. I'm just glad we weren't in the other group of friends that were there. They thought it would be a good idea to stop at a bar on the way. Precisely the reason we didn't ride with them.

After the ride, we headed to Jen's to drop off bikes and have a mini-mopundow breakfast. Liz was supposed to meet us there, but her body betrayed her and she fell asleep. I got home and took a nap and now I'm just staying out of the 100 degree heat we have outside.

Don't F--- with....Rayvn?

2006-07-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why...nobody I've talked to can come up with any good reason for this. It seems the lovely folks over at Disney have decided to remake a classic. The only babysitter worth a damn was Elisabeth Shue. She may have to live down being part of the debacle that was Back To the Future Part II, but she warned us not to fuck with the babysitter!

137.23 Miles!

2006-06-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

Well we did it, sort of. Our final mileage was 137.23 miles, easily my longest 2 day total of my cycling career. It was a busy but fun weekend.

Friday

Blew through my work to get the hell out of dodge by 11. In doing so, I missed a call from Performance that my new pedals were in. Looks like I'll be doing the ride without toe clips. Oh well. How bad can it be? At least Jen and Liz will be able to keep up with me now. I got picked up by Mike and we spent about 30 minutes figuring out how to get the bike rack on his car. Getting mine and Liz's bike on was easy compared to Jen's tiny bike. It involved her riding with her rear tire in the back seat.

We arrived at the hotel without incident. Dave got there early and wasn't able to get a room on our floor. We had a few beers and watched Homer & Co. before heading out to dinner at Luigi's. Dinner took quite a long time and after a minor billing dispute(no way a bowl of pasta and coke was going to be 30 bucks), we headed back to the hotel for a final team meeting and plan for the morning. Dave and I finally came in the room after what seemed an eternity to certain people, but it was worth the wait. We came in with a fully lit up birthday cake in honor of the Mighty One's day of the birth. This was followed by presenting our resident youngin' with training wheels on her bike. Both surprises were well received and we retired for the night. Well until 3AM anyway.

Saturday

3AM - Alarm goes off. It's waffle time! We woke up to inhale a waffle and go back to sleep. Gotta have energy for when we wake up for real!

4:30 AM- The real alarm goes off and it's time to run around like crazy people and load the cars to head over to Kaneland. Of course, this had all the organization of a bunch of 7 year olds running to the ice cream man. We got the cars and bikes loaded and jumped in the car to follow Dave over. Whoops...Dave took off without us. The directions proved less than crappy and after much map mulling, we headed out and got over to the school.

6:50 AM - We line up for our team photo. Only an hour late! We still got it and most of us were in it for the 1st take. Larry finally made it over for the second shot and it was time to do some biking.

7:00ish - We hit the start line and are just itchin' to go. Dave passes me and I think about going at his pace for about 20 seconds. Even with Old Yeller, I decide to go at a pace that will let me finish. I was at a major equipment disadvantage with my bike. I catch up with his brother and ride with him into the 1st rest stop. My 1st experience with Gu and also Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Thanks to Liz for keeping that in my head the entire weekend.

LOTS OF CORN, FARMHOUSES AND SOYBEAN CROPS

10:30 - We pull into the lunch stop in Sandwich. Yes...I had a sammie in sandwich, but only 1/2 of a sammie. I am lucky to learn from the mistakes made by last year's riders. As we were leaving the rest stop, Liz saw someone who didn't heed that advice. She got to see this poor girl hurl on the side of the road. The cops in Sandwich also had a rather large insect in their rectum for the MS Ride and we were warned several times to ride single file for fear of being ticketed. I'm not sure why I was worried. I have a Maryland license that was about 3-4 moves ago. Let them mail the ticket there. We escaped the clutches of the Sandwich law with no moving violations and headed towards Rollo. Snowcones here we come!!!!

11:30ish - We pull into Rollo after declaring "8 miles to snowcones!" upon leaving the previous stop. Long story short...no snowcones. We weren't the first to ask about them, but alas no cones of snow for me. This is where we needed to make a command decision about the rest of the day. Do we head back and be happy with 75 miles or head to Earlville for our century patch?

WE ARE OFF TO EARLVILLE! Century patch...you shall be mine!

Time is no longer something I am keeping track of...

I pull out ahead of the good ladies and get to Earlville first. "Watch the gravel!!!!" I hear about 5 times. The last time I heard it was as I hit the gravel and down I go. Of course I pop right up. I'm fine!!! My arm just stings a bit. I just need to shake it off. I look down to a rather nasty cut filled with the previously mentioned gravel.

Jen and Liz pull up to see me being doted about 2 grandmotherly types attending to your hero. They cleaned out my cut and made sure I got my century patch. A few embarrassing pictures and I'm ready to go. Time to head back to Rollo and get the hell off the bikes!

We get back to the worst stocked rest stop we've seen. No food, no Powerade and very little water. I don't know what the people behind us were going to have, but we suck it up and keep on keeping on. From this point, things get a bit fuzzy and I feel the effects of having no Powerade and just water. The trail to the next rest stop includes some hills that made me very unhappy. We decided to make the next rest stop the last one and just get back since the course closes at 6 and there was no way in hell we were being SAG'ed in.

Out on the horizon it appeared to me before my unbelieving eye...NIU!!!! I can see it. Now I have something to focus on. I hooked up with a couple other riders and followed them to the finish. Of course, in our excitement we all missed the finish line. Tired or not, I'm crossing the finish line. Much to my delight, Mike and Elizabeth were there to cheer us in. I high fived them and headed to the campsite to get off the bike and grab a beer.

The rest of the night consisted of eating, showering and being teased about my road rash. It didn't matter. I did my first century and nobody can take that away.

Uh oh...it looks like it may rain. I hope we can still ride tomorrow...

Sunday

We wake up at 5:30 and the sky is ug-lee. It looks like it may just open up and come down very quickly. Not even 15 minutes later, we were literally carrying tents to a nearby tarp so we could take them down in relative dryness.

The rain was so heavy that they had to close the start line for awhile. By the time the rain had stopped, we had everything just about packed up and gotten our dripping wet bikes from the bike check are I was attempting to squeeze as much water from my seat which had turned into a nice sponge.

The rain stopped, but it looked like it could start up at anytime and they announced that the route was open, but they strongely suggest everybody consider the 35 mile option. Since most of the ride is out in the open, we didn't need to be told twice to do 35 miles. Just about everybody did the 35 and got to ride straight into a headwind leftover from the storm. I crossed the finish line being flanked by Jen and Liz, got my medal and hit the BBQ. The final tally for Sunday...35 miles, 2 burgers, 1 chicken sandwich, 2 plates of potato salad, 1 sausage and 1 can of soda. I guess I was hungry.

I headed home with Mike and waited for the ladies to arrive at my place with the bikes. Jen stuck around, we had some pasta and deservedly fell asleep early.

After this weekend, the L.A.T.E. Ride should be a snap. I think I can handle a nice, leisurely ride. Of course, I'll be sporting my Team mopundow colors.

Century riders showing off their patches

It's Go Time!

2006-06-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well, all the training is done and the supplies have been packed. My ride to the hotel is on the way and tomorrow I do my first MS Ride.

Thanks to everyone that has donated and if you still want to help me out, it's not too late to give a little something something.

I will be armed with a camera along with a bunch of other people, so keep an eye out for candid shots from the trail.

Bosco Out

Year Of the Whale?

2006-06-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the Carolina Hurricanes on their first Stanley Cup. That makes 2 years in a row that the Cup is hoisted much farther south than there should be hockey.

How come the Whalers were never good when they played up in Hartford? Were they just under too much pressure being in the shadow of the perennial playoff bound B's? Of course, now the Bruins only chance to get into the playoffs involves buying tickets from Mike Tice.

Oh well. There's always the Celtics...Oh, never mind!!

T-minus 4 days

2006-06-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Yup, only 4 more days until we depart for the Staybridge Suites for a night of rest before heading out to Kaneland Middle School for the start of the MS 150. All the hard training has been completed at this point. We still have some moderate rides on Tuesday and Wednesday, but 15 miles doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.

I'd like to thank the weather gods over Chicago for providing us with heat and wind this past weekend. As if riding in the heat wasn't fun, I had to go to the Cubs game on Saturday. After a few hours of riding, the best way to relax is not sitting in the sun in the bleachers. Excuse me, I mean the Bud Light presents the Bleachers at Wrigley Field.

Thanks to all of you that have donated to my MS Ride so far. If you know of anyone else that wants to help a rider out, feel free to share the Team mopundow website with the world.

Today is a non riding day, so I will spend the evening hopefully watching my Whalers claim the Stanley Cup with some friends and pizza.

GO HAHT-FUHD!!!!

Why Do We Wear Helmets?

2006-06-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

As if you need a reason to strap your head into some protection, today's inspiration comes from the winning quarterback in last year's Superbowl.

It seems Big Ben isn't too big to need a helmet. I hope he comes out alright, but it would be far less of an issue with a brainbucket attached.

This is for all the helmetless ones out there. I'm talking to you Cliffy!

Lovely Day to Bike the Drive

2006-05-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

If it's the Sunday before Memorial Day, get those cars off of Lake Shore. It's time to Bike the Drive!

I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4:40 in the morning to start getting ready and head up to meet the rest of Team mopundow for some carfree highway riding. After debating with the alarm clock and finally getting out the door, we arrived at Buckingham Fountain around 5:40 and headed out. Our plan was to do the ciruit twice if time would permit. We came close, but realized that the clock was a formidable opponent. When all was said and done, I clocked just under 60 miles which included the ride from Lakeview and back.

After we finished riding, we needed some food and I had an empty apartment at 777 to stash bikes that was also quite cool due to my cranking up the AC in anticipation of the heat. Jen and I threw our bikes in there and then took some time to enjoy the coolness before heading off to Tempo for some omelette action. It seems we weren't the only ones with that plan as the line was visible a full block away. We made a command decision and traded eggs for burgers at Johnny Rockets. Yours truly also needed a milkshake to reward himself for his riding efforts.

We spent the rest of the afternoon just trying to keep cool when the lightbulb went off in my head...I have central air at my new place. I'm far from being unpacked, but I have a couch and a TV. That was all we really required at that point. We headed to The New York and didn't go outside again until we grabbed some food at our new favorite place. We found the perfect night before riding vittles in a pie that is packed with pasta and chicken parm. Jen was barely able to eat half of it.

Now I'm stuck at work as punishment for taking off on Thursday to move in to the new digs. At least nobody is really here and I can listen to my tunes and be in my own little world. I wonder if anyone would notice if I started watching a couple Family Guy episodes on my ipod at my desk.

Only one way to find out...

Bike Path Fashion For 2006

2006-05-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

It's not a Donna Martin Original, but I know the designer quite well. This is what Team mopundow will be sporting at Bike the Drive and the MS Ride as well as several training rides leading up to it.

Great job to the Good Lady!

I'm a website

2006-05-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my man in Waukegan for finding this little gem. Looks like I missed the chance to have my very own site.

I can see your house from here

2006-05-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

Well maybe not, but I can see lots from my new place. I don't actually move in for another couple weeks, but they were nice enough to give me the keys. Here's a nice shot of Wrigley from my balcony too.

Ducks & Lobsters & Parents, Oh My!

2006-05-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's only Tuesday, but I always have a rough time getting back into the swing of things after being gone for a few days. I made the trek to the homeland this past weekend. Airtran had a sale with ridiculously low prices and I couldn't resist the chance for a cheap trip home.

I managed to weasle out of work early on Thursday and headed to Midway in time to grab one of my favorite burgers in Illinois and a flight to Logan. After landing in Boston and being picked up by the Jen & Pinot limo service, we finally arrived at the hotel and got some much needed rest in anticipation of a busy "vacation."

Friday involved an all day excursion with the 'rents, but we planned activities to keep them busy. After lunch at the Parker House(try the rolls), we headed over to the Museum of Science for a Duck Tour. These tours cover land and water. It is a WWII craft that takes you around the city and then makes its way into the Charles River for a nice little cruise. I'm from Boston and had never taken one before. It's more a tourist thing and you need someone that is not a local to use as an excuse. Thanks to Jen for providing the way.

Dinner was at Anthony's Pier 4 with a great view of the water. Living in Chicago makes you appreciate good seafood when it is presented. The lobster on the east coast is just so much better than the midwest. Of course, they have the advantage of being next to the ocean. Lobsters don't exactly grow in the lake.

On Saturday I subjected Jen not only to dinner at my parents. It turned out to be pizza from Christo's with a special appearance from The Nana. After pizza and birthday cake, we made our escape to Timber Lanes for some much deserved candlepin. While it's a New England staple, it is pretty hard to find outside the original 6.

Much time was also spent discussing the state of the Boston 9. It was agreed that they were crazy for ever trading away Doug Mirabelli. Of course he was reacquired yesterday and landed 15 minutes before the game. Due to our crack police force and tinted windows, he was able to change in a squad car as he was whisked to Fenway to take part in the return of Judas and his Evil Empire.

Back to the trip...

On sunday we met up with my sister and hung around the city and enjoyed the sun. I enjoyed it to the tune of a rather red back of my neck. We searched out and found the bronze ducks from Make Way For Ducklings and posed with them before heading back to the hotel to catch a shuttle to the airport. A word of warning...If you fly Airtan out of Boston, don't plan on eating before your flight. They put us in an area past security where food options where severely limited. We settle for a frozen yogurt before getting real food when we arrived back in Chicago. Tempo never sounded so good to me.

On another bright note now that I'm back...Apparently the sale of my hotel has fallen through and we can suspend the job search once again.

Huzzah for Lane Hospitality for being tight with the purse strings!

Just one more hail mary??

2006-05-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

As expected, Doug Flutie retired from football today. Of course, he first became famous for throwing the Hail Mary against Miami while we were all playing with our Rubik's Cubes.

He didn't play much, but he was one of "ours" It was great that he could finish his career with the Pats.

13 Years Ago Today

2006-04-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

Today is April 19th. Exactly 13 years ago I was sitting in a MEPS station in Boston scared to death with what I was doing. That was the day that my joining the Navy came to a head with my departure from living at home rent free and working at Bradlees. It was also the day that Waco happened. I'm sure that's the only thing that kept my taking the oath from being front page news in the Brockton Enterprise.

During my time in the Navy I made great friends and had a blast, but I'm glad to be out. You can only watch so many planes land before going crazy. Besides...how much Madden can you really play?

Morning baseball? It must be Patriot's Day

2006-04-14T12:59:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again. People are running all over the city and Fenway is filling up at 10 in the morning. Even though it's not a holiday here in Chicago, it's still a holiday to me. Wisconsin jumped on the bandwagon in 2001, but for the most part Patriot's Day belongs to New England. Actually just Maine and Massachusetts, but Connecticut is just New Yorkers who don't live there, and we won't even go into New Hampshire and Rhode Islandahs.

For as long as I can remember, the 3rd Monday in April meant no school or work and Red Sox baseball at 11:05. The last year I lived in Boston, my boss wanted to know why I was still there at 9:30 in the morning. I took that as a sign that it was time to meet my good friend S at Fenway and grab some scalped tickets. Since they were playing the Yankees, they weren't cheap. This is the first time I'll miss the marathon since I was protecting this great nation by doing my duty. Oh yeah...there's also a little road race on Monday too.

I guess I can pretend I'm there by drinking at 11 and watching the marathon on TV. I just don't think it will be the same. I'll just have to ride 26.2 miles in honor of Paul Revere making his ride.

This is why we take the T to the games

2006-04-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

As if you needed another reason to leave the car at home when heading out to Fenway to catch the Sox, I've got one for you. There is a Mobil station on Boylston that charges 90 bucks during day games and the playoffs.

I guess the good news is they knock it down to 45 bucks for night games.

It;'s Back!

2006-04-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Good Lady K for letting me know that the new season of Wonder Showzen has started. For those that don't know, it is a parody of children's shows that is so wrong you can't help but laugh. Check it out if you can. It's on MTV and MTV2 during the week.

Looks like I'll Need A New Jersey Now

2006-03-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

Johnny Damon going to the Yankees was bad enough.

I was on the phone last night with my parents when they informed me of breaking news on WVCB that the most clutch kicker in history was in Indianapolis talking to the Colts. I was hoping nothing would come of it, but woke up this morning to find out he was now a member of the team we love to beat.

He will be missed in New England. People talk about the Superbowls he has won, but to me his defining moment was The Kick In the Snow.

I'm just glad Ray Bourque has already retired. With the way this winter has been, it would just be a matter of time before he headed to the Canadiens.

The Biggest Whammy Of Them All

2006-03-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

Thanks to K-Dawg for unearthing this tragedy:

For people my age, the words Big Bucks were always followed by No Whammys. Well today the great Peter Tomarken took his last spin as his plane crashed into the ocean. For those that don't remember Press Your Luck, I am truly sorry. There was no better way to spend a day home sick from school than watching the big board. He hosted and updated version of the game a few years ago simply called Whammy, but it just wasn't the same.

Rest in peace, Mr. Whammy

He's Taking His Chocolate Salty Balls And Going Home

2006-03-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

It seems that when South Park was making fun of Christians and Jews, all was good in the world of Isaac Hayes. I guess Scientologists have a hard time with a parody of themselves. It seems Chef will no longer be serving salisbury steak to Cartman and Co. because he feels "There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religous beliefs of others begins."
Matt Stone commented "we never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin"

Maybe Chef would have been better off being consumed by the succubus after all.

Another Sequel That Didn't Need To Happen

2006-03-10T17:55:00.000-08:00

While not as bad as the idea of Slapshot 2, I can't imagine what the thought process was for Cutting Edge 2. I was just sitting here minding my own business watching I Love Toys on VH1 and saw a commercial for it.

Speaking of toys, I was shocked that my beloved NES didn't make the top 10, coming in at #21. I've got my money on Atari to be top 5, but can't seem to find a place to place a bet. Maybe one of the signs of having a gambling problem is when you seek out to bet on a "best of" list.

Ooh...Twister!

They're not just for donuts anymore

2006-03-10T14:01:00.000-08:00

What could be better than a day at the old ballpark? Well, it looks like in Sauget, IL they are hoping a coronary will add to the enjoyment of watching the boys of summer. The Gateway Grlzzlies of the Frontier League(no relation to the Federal League) will be offering this concoction during the upcoming season. Luckily for the rest of us, you can only be subjected to it by attending a game. No fear of finding this at 3AM in a drunken stupor at Walgreens.

The ballpark sandwich will include a hamburger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon -- all between a "bun" made of a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut.

Hopefully the team doctor is a cardiologist.

Helmets can be dangerous after all

2006-03-07T12:54:00.000-08:00

It looks like wearing a helmet can be dangerous for a hockey player as proven in this incident. I guess the lesson learned is be sure to keep it strapped on tight enough that nobody can take it away and use it against you.

Kirby Has Left the Building

2006-03-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

I was never a Twins fan, but I was always a fan of Kirby Puckett. My good friend S enjoyed taunting him at Fenway by dangling a donut on some string over his head, but I knew I could count on him when I was playing RBI on my NES. It's kind of weird when players you had in video games die. Maybe it means I'm getting old. Who knows?
As if seeing my old toys on VH1 all week won't make me feel old enough. Where is my Magic 8 Ball anyway?

1980, It's Not

2006-02-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

Well, look what happens when we try to have a Winter Olympics without Herb Brooks
Team USA saw any chance at a medal go up in smoke at the hands of Finland today.
Some differences between the two

1980
Amateur players
Beat the Russian team
Herb Brooks alive and well
"Do you believe in miracles"

2006
Professional players
Lost to the Russian team
Herb Brooks not so much alive as dead
"It's not wasy to ski drunk"

At least we had the Curl Girls

Connecticut By the Numbers

2006-02-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

0 Ex and current girlfriends drunkenly dialed in the middle of the night
0 Goals scored by the Canadian Men's team while I was gone
0 Times we had to endure listening to Laffy Taffy
1 Shuttle drivers that may have been connected to the Mafia
1 Weddings attended
1 Massachusetts residents used as an ashtray during the ride back from the casino
1 Yankee hats filled with butter
1 Road trippers missing when we woke up on Sunday morning
1 Bitchy bartenders working at the Shelton Courtyard
1 Flat tires
1 Bars that Andy was kicked out of only to return 10 minutes later
2 Ipods brought
2 Hours of sleep between 5AM on Thursday until 3AM on Saturday
2 Offers of sexual favors in exchange for Oprah tickets
3 Number of women the blushing bride pointed out and said "I'd fuck her"
4 Strangers the new bride told she would kill
4 Casino employees harassed on the way out
10 Years since we had all seen each other
14 States driven through
25 Times we made fun of Andy for being short
35 Percentage of Eric's suit covered in candle wax by the end of the reception
300 Derogatory comments about Connecticuts' blue laws
1773 Miles driven

Now That's What I Call A Road Trip

2006-02-17T12:43:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Connecticut! This was a strange trip not because I find myself back on the east coast, but because it didn't involve a trip to either Midway or O'Hare. My good friend A is getting hitched tonight and a reunion of a few Navy guys took place to get us here.

After work last night, T took the Metra down here and we grabbed a Lincoln Towncar from Avis and headed to South Bend to grab our first passenger. From them we headed to a small town outside Cleveland to grab our buddy S and continued on to the Shelton Courtyard by Marriott. Needless to say, we are all a bit punchy and about to head over for the ceremony. Hopefully yours truly can stay awake.

Get me some Red Bull now!!!

Is This Fort Collins?

2006-02-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

I headed over to my neighborhood bar tonight to have a couple beverages with some friends and checked to see what they had for specials tonight. Usually the typical special involves Miller Lite or that pathetic excuse for a beer, Coors. Much to my surprise tonight, they had Fat Tire available. This beer has always come highly recommended from my good friend A as well as a former Denverite M, who currently resides in our nation's capital. It seems that tonight was the first night that it is available in our fair city. Huzzah for Bosco to be out and about on such a special night. The three 22 oz. bottles even made me tolerate the freezing rain hitting me in the face on my walk home. Now it's time to pack for a road trip to Shelton, CT to watch one of my good Navy friends take the plunge into matrimony. Hopefully he can make it past the 2 week mark. If he does, he beats me.

An Open Letter To RCN

2006-02-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

You've got some nerve. I woke up on Saturday morning with the intention of being a good citizen and watch some Olympic hockey. What do I get for my efforts to arise early on a day when I'm not required to slave for the Man?

Infomercials.

That's what I get for my troubles. Now I understand that there is a market for a belt you can wear around your waist to melt away the fat, but by the time you(RCN) put C-NBC back on, the Canadian women were already clinging to a 12-0 3rd period lead against the scrappy Team Italy. I thought perhaps this was a fluke, but I confirmed with my good friend E that this was also the case on Sunday at her abode. Luckily, I found myself in a Comcast house on Sunday morning to watch Team Canada take it to the Russian team.

I guess this means that someone with a new and improved Ginsu or even a pocket fisherman takes predence over broadcasting snowboarding or skiing. Upon further review, I can't seem to find any notation about CNBC not being broadcast constantly on the channel guide. Oh well. I guess it's time to give Comcast or DirectTV a call.

Now to go watch some curling!

Flower Attack

2006-02-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

I'm probably one of the few people that looked at their window to see a 15 foot flower this morning. Yep, I just wanted to verify that I didn't need an umbrella and there it was. It seems Lexus is doing some sort of weirdo promotion that involved people on stilts, loud music at 7AM and this ridiculous flower.

At Least the Food Was Good

2006-02-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

So last night was the Superbowl. I don't know if it was because the Patriots weren't in the game, but it was one of the worst I can remember. I don't know if the play of the quarterbacks was worse than the officiating. It's a sad day when the best quarterback on the field was a wide receiver.

Usually when the game isn't up to the hype, at least the commericals are relatively entertaining. Came up snake eyes on that one this year. I understand that we won't get a Macintosh 1984 or Larry and Michael playing HORSE, but there really wasn't anything that stuck in my head as memorable. I was happy to see Kathy Griffin get work, but it was no Mean Joe Coke commercial.

We decided to bribe people to Jen's with the promise of turkey and beer. I figured that if we cooked, they would come. Of course, they all came with food and drink of their own. Everything was great from the turkey to the buffalo shrimp all the way from Waukegan. I had planned on 2 cases of Miller Lite, but at the last minute grabbed a 3rd in case we needed it. With all the other beer that people brought, we had more than plenty. Everyone had a great time and left with stomachs full of food and beer, so our job was done.

Now I can rest easy for about a month until the NCAA Tournament. Go Eagles!!!!

You've Been a Fan For How Many Hours?

2006-02-01T14:35:00.000-08:00

With the upcoming Superbowl I've noticed an abundance of newly anointed Steelers and Seahawks fans. It always makes me laugh whenever a championship in some sport rolls along and the bandwagon seems to fill up rather quickly.

It happened out here in October when those who shall not be named won the lowest rated World Series ever. Maybe it's me, but watching your team win something feels a lot better when you've gone through the lows in order to appreciate the highs. I saw someone yesterday in a brand spanking new Hines Ward jersey. A couple of us mentioned that it looked nice and shiny and will be good to have on Sunday. Upon further review, we decided he probably couldn't name their last Superbowl quarterback even if you spotted him the Kordell and the Crybaby.

In a way I'm glad the Pats lost. The bandwagon was getting really full and it's nice to have some breathing room. Funny how you didn't seen too many people wearing our stuff when Rod Rust was our coach.

Even I try to blank out those years. Zeke Mowatt anybody??

What Do You Mean No Football?

2006-01-29T19:21:00.000-08:00

For the first time in 19 weeks I woke up without having football on the agenda. What's a boy to do? After being conditioned to get up and get to Joes by noon every week, I needed to find something other way to occupy my noontime Sunday.

Fortunately, while I was having dinner before our free happy hour on Friday night, I saw that Duffy's was bringing back their Sunday brunch buffet. During the season they don't have brunch due to the big football crowd. I guess there isn't much call for Eggs Florentine while you are watching the Bears get the hopes of Chicago up all season only to falter in the playoffs. I was more than happy to spend my Sunday getting reacquainted with some friends, food and mimosas.

After brunch, we knew that we ate way too much and needed to do some walking before heading home. A few of us headed to Performance to see what they had on sale. Yours truly is in the market for a road bike since the thought of doing the MS Ride on my current set of wheels doesn't really appeal to me. I'm just waiting until Kozy has their big sale in April, but it never hurts to look.

The rest of my weekend involved a lot of doing nothing and just relaxing. I did partake in the free beer on Friday night, but aside from watching Four Rooms on Saturday night, I hardly moved from the couch.

Tomorrow I will be on the lookout for a bucket big enough for a turkey. We need something big enough to soak a turkey in some sea salt and water before our Superbowl party next week. I tried Walgreens tonight and came up empty, so tomorrow Jewel and Bath Bad & Beyond are next on the list. If I can't watch the Pats in the game, at least I can enjoy some turkey and Miller Lite.

Here We Go Again

2006-01-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm in a time warp. It seems that I find myself once again working for a place that has decided to put itself up for sale. When last we left the story, the mighty RCC was on the market and I jumped ship to my new workplace digs. I just came from a meeting letting us know that we are currently being shopped. The ironic part is that my old place has been taken off the market. It could be the unsaleable state of the marble or just the high cost of listing a property month after month. My good friend M got a good laugh about my situation.

At least the asking price is a bit lower than the $300M the last place was looking for. If you've got a spare $80M, let me know.

So Long Nice Guy Eddie

2006-01-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

I just heard the news. The veteran of Reservoir Dogs and Footloose has passed away. Hopefully Joe Cabot can keep it together in these hard times.

The Doctor Is In(Finally)

2006-01-24T06:54:00.000-08:00

My wishes have finally come true and I found out that they are releasing Dr. Katz on DVD. It doesn't release until May 9th, but I'm just glad it's official. If you haven't seen it before, good luck finding it on TV. The closest I've found is Home Movies on Adult Swim. Both of these shows were produced in squigglevision and feature some of the same voices.

A 5 Day Work Week??

2006-01-23T19:12:00.000-08:00

This was one Monday I really could have used a holiday. I came to the realization that short weeks will be few and far between for awhile. With Christmas, New Years and MLK Day all bunched together, it seemed like every week had an extra day off. The countdown is now on for Memorial Day(Although I'll be taking St. Patty's Day off)

I was still tired from the weekend this morning when the evil alarm clock made it's presence known. Friday wasn't so much busy as just tiring. There was a free beer happy hour at Bar Chicago that I felt the need to attend. I was standing outside my building waiting for the light to change with the wind and freezing rain whipping around thinking that I was crazy for even thinking about going out in that mess. I made it back to my place a few minutes before my guest arrived and we enjoyed some hot chocolate and a movie before passing out from a rough week of work.

Saturday we needed to take it east in preparation for the evening's pub crawl. A few of our friends have birthday's coming up and a pub crawl through Wrigleyville only seemed appropriate. I grabbed some food with Cliff at Sports Corner where the server was good enough to forget to charge me for my food. I'd like to thank whoever that was for the free meal.

Part of the rules for the pub crawl required wearing either a hat, wig or other type of bling. I decided to break out the pimp stick and Big Daddy jewelry. I was hard to miss with a stick that had a big plastic diamond on top of it and a dollar sign hanging from a chain around my neck. The crawl started at Murphy's Bleachers and ended at Slugger's. By the time we left, Jen had only one thing on her mind....tacos. We set out on a quest to get some tacos. Unfortunately, we were north of Addison and heading north. We had planned on going to a taco place on Addison, but came to figure out our mistake much too late. It became clear that we weren't getting tacos and had to settle for eggs. We grabbed some breakfast to go at Melrose Diner and proceeded to pass out until noon.

I spent most on Sunday recovering and witnessing a miracle on TV. Apparently it is possible for the Steelers to win an AFC title game. They just needed to not play the Patriots and not play the game in Pittsburgh. Just another reason to watch the game away from Joes and the polka band.

Help A Brother Out

2006-01-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

I was just informed that if I raise another $100 for my MS Ride before the 25th of this month, I can get a cool MS Society pin. I've got 5 days to reach my short term goal of $250. Spread the word and get me that pin!

What can I say? I like shiny things.

Friends Don't Let Friends Drink Coors

2006-01-19T11:51:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to a beer sampling at the Globe with some friends. We were a little concerned with the first selection as it was a beverage that is better suited for gag gifts. It turns out that we were subjected to Golden's finest to make us better appreciate the real beers we would ingest the rest of the evening. To be honest, I don't remember most of the beers we sampled. It had nothing to do with the offerings, but with the conversation at the table. A good part of the evening was spent teasing the Good Lady Liz about her lack of age.

Some of the things we brought up that flew over our heroines head included video games(Atari 2600, Moon Patrol & Dig Dug), television(Three's Company & Good Times). It was all in good fun. She is truly a lovely lass and can take a good ribbing.

Tonight my head will be spinning as I need to make an appearance at a work party at Chestnut Grill & Wine Bar before heading to Hi-Tops for a mini film-fest being put on by the good folks at Meetin Chicago. We will be viewing Office Space and playing the drinking game that is associated with it. That will be followed by the classic Fast Times featuring the recently deceased Mr. Vargas. It seems that maybe the switch to Sanka wasn't as good for him as he thought.

Now if we can just find a drinking game revolving around the actions of one Jeff Spicoli...

So much for the 3-peat

2006-01-17T19:31:00.000-08:00

As Jerry Jones once said, "There's a reason why nobody's ever won 3 of those in a row."

My beloved Patriots quest for 3 straight Superbowls ended on Saturday when the evil Broncos pushed them around for the 2nd time this year. I had contemplated heading to Denver to go to the game. Fortunately, airfare was too high to make it happen. K was all set to change her ski weekend to Breckenridge to go to the game. Since I was in town, we decided to head to Joes to catch the game and stick around for Hairbangers Ball afterwards. The place was packed due to the NFL playoffs and Hairbangers people getting there quite early. We were exiled to the back since the front of the bar was reserved for some private party much to our dismay. The game was fun to watch if you ignore the two drunken guys who thought they were both Gunnar Nelson. They were complete with blonde wigs and magic marker tatoos. Their singing seemed to coincide with the Pats losing the lead and eventually the game. Come to think of it, I don't blame the team, but rather the Nelson brothers.

Now to focus on the draft. I can only hope we get our pick in on time(unlike other purple teams)

Back To Denver

2006-01-17T19:10:00.000-08:00

Well my good friend K has headed back to the mountains for another semester at DU. I was bummed when she moved away, but got the chance to visit her(and see the Patriots play.)

I got to use her visit as an excuse to go catch Too White Crew. They are a old school hip-hop cover band that don't stoop to using drum machines or any other cheating equipment. They had a new setlist and no longer play Candyman much to the dismay of my good friend A, but a good time was had my all of us. It seems Ms K had a little too much of a good time and got to see all the vodka gimlets again while on a flight to DC. See for yourself the effect on one's eye when yakking at 30,000 feet.

In the future, I'll try to do all of my vomiting on the ground. I don't know if Jen wants to be face to face with a red-eyed Bosco.

Happy Festivus To All

2005-12-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

'Twas the night before Festivus and all through Queens,
Not a Costanza was yelling...as strange as it seems.
The family was sleeping, just waiting for light.
Saving their strength for the upcoming fight.

At the crack of dawn on December twenty-three,
Frank put up the pole... instead of a tree.
Estelle prepared the meal that would start the rite,
Not a laugh or a smile was anywhere in sight.

George dreaded this hour that came every year,
The airing of grievances would soon be here.
Frank stood at the table and bellowed outloud,
"So who's got a complaint amongst this crowd?"

"You two are crazy and have wrecked my life!",
Cried George at his parents who mocked him for spite.
"A Lloyd Braun you'll never be " was Estelle's refrain,
"Why should I try,ma?... the guy's insane!"

"Enough with the grievances," Frank said with some glee,
"Now which one of you two is wrestling me?"
"So feats of strength you want? Let them begin here,
"It's your turn to fight him, mom... he beat me last year."

The battle was started, the screaming was lyrical,
The fact no one got hurt was .... ANOTHER FESTIVUS MIRACLE!!!!

Bye Bye Johnny

2005-12-22T13:42:00.000-08:00

The Boston fans have spoken and it seems they are pretty much on the same page with the defection of Johnny Damon. These are some samplings of emails that the Sports Guy has received in the past couple days...

I'm so distraut after hearing the news of Johnny Damon going to the Yankees, I don't know what to think. Until now the Red Sox/Yankees and Star Wars comparisons have always been thin, but when I read the news I felt like Obi-Wan Kenobi in Episode 4 when Alderaan was destroyed.
-- Mike Kmiec, Phillipsburg, NJ

Personally, I have not been this shocked and angered by a change of allegiance since Sgt. Slaughter teamed up with Colonel Mustafa and supported Iraq during the Persian Gulf War.
-- Brenda, Washington, DC

Johnny, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?
-- Kevin Juica, Boston, MA

Is it truly just about the money for every single athlete? Why do we pour our hearts into a team and its players just to get stabbed in the back by the team and the players? After all that Damon went through in Boston ... the clutch guy in game 7 to beat the Yankees, the face of the Red Sox when they broke the curse ... why the hell would he sign with the Yankees 2 years later? He's an icon, a Red Sox legend ... until now. Now hes just another baseball player that will go down as a guy whos true team color came out in the end ... green.
-- Chad Stewart, Raleigh, NC

What do you feel the reaction is going to be like at Fenway when he returns for this first game as a Yankee? I mean, he helped us win a World Series, and now sells out for the Furcal-esque price of $52 mill. I'd say the best response would be dead silent ... 33,000+ saying nothing. Now THAT would bug the hell out of anyone.
-- Brez, Pittsfield, MA

In what has become a sports rivalry of biblical proportions, do you find it ironic that Johnny Damon, aka Jesus, turned out to be, in fact, Judas? Can this rivalry between New York and Boston get any bigger? I know you can't bear to think of it but the only logical countermove by Red Sox management is to sign Clemens and instigate a brawl by having him bean Damon.
-- J. Wood, Natick, MA

As a lifelong Red Sox fan, I was completely mortified when I heard that Johnny Damon had sold his soul to the devil. He was my favorite player, and although I want to shove hot pokers in his eyes, who would you blame in this situation: Damon, Boras, or Lucchino? MLB has lost a fan today. And although I'll always love the Sox, I feel sick to my stomach. I really thought Johnny D was a ballplayer and loved the game, but he just showed us his true nature. The dollar signs.
-- John, Columbus, OH

If the Yankees are the evil empire, and the Red Sox are the jedi, undoubtedly Johnny Damon is Anikin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader. The only quetion left is who is Luke?
-- Ted Simmons, New City, NY

Johnny Damon just stole Christmas.
-- MF, Los Angeles, CA

Johnny Damon. Johnny Bleeping Damon. Johnny Benedict Arnold Damon. Johnny Baseball-Jesus-Turned-Baseball-Antichrist Damon. Johnny Traitor. Demon Damon. Johnny All-About-The Cash. Johnny Roger Clemens Damon. Johnny Rocket. Johnny No-arm Damon. Johnny Foulball-into-fans-heart Damon. Johnny No-Loyalty Damon. Johnny the Commie. Johnny MFY Damon. Johnny Money-Grubbing-Bastard Damon. Johnny Back-Stabbing Damon. Johnny Steinbrenner. T.O. Damon. Johnny F-you-pay-me Damon. Johnny Unfrozen-caveman-"I-Don't-understand-team-loyalty"-lawyer Damon.
-- Jeremy, Albany, NY

Remember the SNL skit from the 90's labeled "Steroid Olympics" and that guy tries to dead lift 900lbs and as he jerks up, both arms rip clean off his shoulders and are still attached to the barbell on the floor and blood is spurting out everywhere from his shoulder sockets ... I hope Damon's arm comes flying off while he is trying to make a throw home and his hand and arm are still attached to the ball as it weekly lands in front of A-Rods foot and then A-Rod vomits and passes out and Joe Torre has to come out and give mouth to mouth to A-Rods bloated purple lips ... That would ease the pain of this trade
-- Mark Faselle, Dallas, TX

So, how do you feel right now, just hours after the Damon debacle? I feel like I just found out Princess Leia is my sister, only it's to little to late because I made out with her last week. I'm gonna go stick my finger down my throat again.
-- Dana, Whitman, MA

When we signed A-Rod, I felt sick like Richard Gere before he whacked that French guy with the snowglobe in Unfaithful. For any true Yankee fan (as I am), signing Johnny Damon is like asking the last guy who nailed your new wife (prior to getting married to her of course) to come and live with you.
-- Jason, Phoenix, AZ

Johnny Damon: looks like Jesus, throws like Mary, and betrays like Judas ...

(And that just came out of the mouth of a Jewish girl. What do I do with my #18 Red Sox jersey now?)
-- Lindsey, Boston, NY

A brief highlight real of Johnny Damon's telephone interview after signing with the New York Yankees:

"We know George Steinbrenner's reputation. He always wants to have the best players, and I think he showed that tonight."

"A good leadoff man is tough to find, and I think that New York just found the best leadoff hitter in the game."

"Hopefully now they (the Red Sox)can go off and get one of the center fielders they've been courting for the past month or so."

Am I a terrible person for wishing bodily harm on an individual who helped my team to the World Series but now seems bent on some kind of celebrity power trip?
-- Chris, Boston, MA

My husband did this to me. Three years ago he made me believe. I kept the Faith, and I became a cap-wearing, Sports-Guy-lovin', J.-Damon-jersey-toting, "Idiot"-reading member of the Red Sox Nation. I have never felt so betrayed. I have lost my last scrap of faith in humanity. This could turn me off to sports forever, and cause a real problem with my marriage. How can I cope?
-- Shelley Thompson, Oak Park, CA

Look at it this way: from now on, any time you see a replay of Jonny Damon getting his face caved in by Damian Jackson, it'll be as funny to you as it has always been to the rest of us.
-- Brian Pierce, Bowling Green, OH

Don't you miss New England during this time of year? The weather here is crisp but not paralyzingly cold. There's snow, but it's more "decorative" snow than the typical February "shovelling" snow. Sweaters, cocoa, egg nog, peace on earth and goodwill towards men -- there's not a better time to be a New Englander.

Wait ... What??? JOHNNY DAMON IS NOW A YANKEE!?!?! I WILL NOW GO SCOOP OUT MY EYESBALLS WITH A RUSTY MELON BALLER AND ROAST MY CHESTNUTS IN AN OPEN FIRE!
-- Tom, Mystic, CT

If there's a silver lining on Johnny leaving the Idiots, it's that maybe I will be able to go to Fenway without having to sit next to That Girl. You know her. She's the one wearing her pink Sox hat and pink Sox shirt, whose only commentary on the game consists of, "Is that Johnny? He's like soooo hot," followed by a comment on his obscenely shiny hair.

This not only makes for an annoying game, but it makes the rest of us girls look bad. Can it, That Girl. I expect you will all relocate to Gillette Stadium, where you can talk about Tom Brady's ass in those pants all you want.

Besides, who'd want to go home with Scrawny Johnny when you could have a Big Papi?
-- Emily, Charlotte, NC

Alright, I am sick and tired of sports broadcasters talk about great rivalries and how "These two teams really hate each other." With Damon signing with the Yankees, I now know that it is all lies. There are no rivalries, there is no hatred. There are just bank accounts.
-- Jason Gilman, Toronto, ON

To say that Johnny Damon has sold his soul to the devil is a complete and utter understatement. I skipped studying for my final last night to walk around my house intermittently cursing him and the Evil Empire. I feel like a jilted girlfriend who has just been dumped for no reason and then finds out that my ex-boyfriend is now dating the biggest skank in school. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
-- Erin, Norwell, MA

Where does the defection of Johnny Damon to the Yankees rank on the stomach punch scale? Is this akin to Paul Orndorff clotheslining and piledriving Hulk Hogan out of nowhere? Or is this more of a Steve Austin slowly allies himself with Vince McMahon moment?
-- Adam G., Dallas, TX

Top 10 reasons to love the Johnny Damon signing:

10. Watching him throw goes from tragedy to comedy overnight
9. No longer confused Christians in Boston asking what the extra D in "WWJDDD?" is for
8. 30% chance he gets career-ending disease from a NY stripper
7. Being able to say "hey, almost reached second base with that throw, Johnny!" and not cry afterwards
6. $52 million will weigh down his pockets, reduce range in the outfield
5. Hoping the prospect of a locker room full of "Coco Crisp" jokes is enough to make Manny happy in Boston again
4. Did I mention he throws like a girl? A girl throwing lefty
3. No longer having to defend his abhorrid personality
2. Yankees-Sox rivalry was wearing down. "bloated payroll" now a valid argument again
1. No longer have to listen to girls argue the relative physical merits of Johnny versus Gabe Kapler
-- Corey Zue, Boston, MA

In the words of Mike McDermott: "That turncoat mother(bleeper)." I have printed out a picture of Derek Lowe to replace the Johnny Damon feature on my "World Series 04" poster. I was at Game 7, and this has taken something away from one of the greatest nights of my life. There will now always be an asterisk next to the quote "grand slam Johnny Damon." What a rat bastard.
-- Ben K., Newport, RI

As a Red Sox fan, does Johnny Damon signing with the Yanks piss you off as much as it pisses me off as a Yankee fan? I hate Johnny Damon. There are members of the Red Sox I would love to have in pinstripes, but not Damon. He has this unnerving effect on me, because whenever I see him, I have this dire need to hit someone with my '99 All Star Game souvenir bat. The much-loathed Damon is replacing our beloved Bernie in centerfield, and Yanks fans are split on the Damon signing, which will cause Yankee fan in-fighting for the whole season. Do those facts at least give you a sick little sense of satisfaction?
-- Geoff, Albany, NY

I woke up this morning to my girlfriend reading a text message from a friend about Johnny Demon going to the Yanks. I said "(bleeping bleep)" and then went back to sleep. Damon really is an idiot. Seriously, he's just plain stupid. I think he sits at home with a Hooked on Phonics set every night and learns how to read with his pin up Michelle. He had it made here. He wasn't just Jesus, he was God. He flew around the city in his Harley, had 75% of the female population that is remotely into the Red Sox drooling over him, and was getting endorsments up to wazzoo (I've always wanted to say wazzoo because it's just so ridiculous when I hear it).

In NY he will be a NOBODY. Jeter, A-Rod, Sheffield, Mo. The only reason he came to cult status was his crazy look and now that will be gone. He'll be what he was in KC and Oaktown; A great leadoff man with great range in center with no arm. Yeah he's in a bigger market, but he could not possibly get bigger than he was here, just smaller. The only logical move he could have made besides Boston would be LA. At least there, he could live it up with the other former Sox players/managers and then could have dumped his wife for a playboy bunny or movie star. Now he's a nobody that will get booed to its greatest extent next year ... for an extra $3 mil a year. That money means nothing to him, but I don't think he knows that, he's just a (bleeping) idiot.
-- Chris Catena, Somerville, MA

Damon left because the Sox didn't counter. How could they not counter? Lucchino -- "I think it's fair to say that we left the door ajar for a subsequent formal offer." Could he qualify that statement any further? Some negotiator. I'm sure Theo would not have allowed this thing to sit on the back burner. Remember the Schilling negotiations? Theo flying out to Arizona ... management with urgency. The new management structure is doomed to fail, it emasculates both of the non-GM's. So here's the real question: the Sox are doomed as long as Lucchino is here, right?
-- Mo Green, Hartford, CT

Hey Bill, I think we need to look a little closer at what transpired this week ...

Johnny Damon now says he was offered more to play elsewhere for 6 years (not four) by a team other than the Yankees -- yet he conveniently won't reveal the source of that offer. He also says he turned the larger offer down because he's really just a gamer and wanted to play for a contender -- so he was really just forced to go to New York. So basically this sheepish little tramp is trying to get the best of both worlds -- making it look like a.) he wasn't really disloyal -- because the Sox dropped the ball in negotiations & b.) a money grubber because he accepted less money to play in New York. It's an impressive alibi but I don't believe it for a second. After all, in the spirit of negotiations, wouldn't it be to his benefit to reveal that there was a 6 year deal on the table? Of course it would! I think we also have to recognize his agent is Scott Boras -- no stranger to spin. In addition we all know Johnny is a sucker for the spotlight! So I say good for the Sox to play hardball with these guys. It is clear to me that Johnny's ultimate goal was to play baseball under the bright lights in the big city ... and to see just how far he could take his celebrity. In short he is a major league tramp & a traitor of the highest order. Sayonara Johnny!
-- P. Baldwin, Boston, MA

Damon signing with the Yankees only reinforces that today's athletes DO NOT CARE about the fans and a city that has grown to love them. Damon owned Boston, he was a Rock Star and Idiot. What is he now? He's nothing but another mercenary who went for top dollar. Boston fans, DAMON COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU!!! No, today's athletes ONLY care about how much they are getting paid. Didn't Damon say back in May that he would never play for the Yankees and that getting top dollar on the free agent market wasn't a top priority? What crap!!

Fans and the media like to hype up the Yanks/Sox matchup as a heated rivalry. They like to romanticize playing baseball for these organizations and the love players must feels for fans or a city. The fact of the matter is that players (guys like Damon) do not feel the hatred between the organizations that fans do. They play the game not because they love it or love a particular city, they play the game to get the most money that they can. This desire will make players do unspeakable things like sign with the Devil (Damon, Giambi, Randy Johnson, Clemens, Boggs, Sheffield, Mussina, etc) or they will even sign with a last place team (A-Rod, Pudge Rodriguez). The desire for the best deal outweighs any loyalty a player feels. That lack of a soul is why a guy like Damon would sign with the Devil.
-- Mike Walsh, Ft. Myers, FL

Johnny " Fucking" Damon?

2005-12-21T07:03:00.000-08:00

I just got the news. Once a beloved symbol of the scrapiness of the Red Sox has decided to jump ship and go to the Evil Empire. So much for loyalty. From now on he will be known in these parts as Johnny "Fucking" Damon. Merry Christmas indeed!

Only 5 more shopping days until "holiday"

2005-12-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

In just a few short days, I'll be making a cameo back in Boston, but what a week it's been here in Chicago. Of course, the big story is the return of my good friend K from the mountains of law school in Denver. We had a reunion of sorts on Sunday at Joe's to watch football. It was nice to see myself, K and C all representing with our jerseys again. It was also nice to be the first among the 3 of us to have our team punch a ticket to the playoffs.

I've pretty much finished all of my Christmas shopping. Tonight we are doing pseudo-Xmas over at Jen's, but I will be minus one gift for her. It seems that postage from Down Under takes a little more time than from Pennsylvania. Maybe my Aussie friend G can help me out. At least I won't be driven crazy by the family this year. I land on Friday night around 10PM and I'm back in the air heading west at 7AM on Monday. I really didn't do it to make a quick trip. It was purely financial. I save about $200 by doing it this way. Plus...I'll be back early to play with all the toys that Santa brings me.

Of course, the coming of Christmas means that the new year is coming up and with that the 6 month mark before the MS Ride. I really need to find a way to get my legs a pedalling while it is still miserably cold outside. I wish my building had a gym, but failing that I may have to search out a membership somewhere in my 'hood. Too bad most of the places near me are "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" expensive. Ahh..the joy of living downtown. Hopefully someplace will have a new year's resolution special.

I guess I really should try to get some work done(or at least put another string of lights above my desk)

Let the Training Begin

2005-12-01T07:56:00.000-08:00

Well I am all signed up for the MS Ride. I'll be doing 150 miles(maybe 175) in June for raise money for the MS Society of Illinois. Now it's time to start getting ready to complete the 2 days without wanting to die.

Feel free to help me out with a donation at my page..

He's Baaaack!!

2005-11-28T12:29:00.000-08:00

I do apologize for my lack of posting, but it seems the planets have aligned to prevent me from getting to update as often as I would like.

First blockade - I got a new job and with the new job came a severe drop in bandwidth. Gone are the good ole days of having 3 browsers open at the same time. It now takes about a minute even for the Meetin site to load.

Second blockade- My laptop was out of the picture for nearly a month. It started with the backlight only staying on anywhere frm 5 to 20 seconds until I finally gave in and got it fixed. First I brought it to Compusa. I must have been suffering from lack of oxygen to the brain for even considering that option. After they had it a week and hadn't "been able to get to it" I fought to get my maintenance fee back and researched other options. I found a place in the city and they told me I needed a new screen. $550 later I had my internet back. Yay for me!

Third blockade - This was a double whammy. First off, it was nearing Turkey Day and also the departure of a good friend back to the land down under. Also, I decided to get very sick. This whole past week was a waste. Last night was the first night I actually felt good in a bit. Of course I lose my whole long weekend, but what can you do?

I hope everyone had a good Turkey Day...even if they had to go to Palm Springs(you know who you are!)

Paying homage to the pasta

2005-10-31T08:46:00.000-08:00

Here is the latest rabbi in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...

Where Are All These White Sox Fans Coming From?

2005-10-24T06:36:00.000-07:00

I finally uncovered the mystery of why all these supporters of the White Sox have come out of the woodwork in the past 2 weeks. It seems there is a conversion requirement that isn't needed when you hail from a city that doesn't need to wait until the World Series to support the team. Take a gander at the application that must be filled out...

Cubs to White Sox Fan Conversion Form

Thank you for your interest in becoming a Chicago White Sox Fan. Due to an
unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan
conversion registrations for Chicago Cubs Fans. Conversion requests from
other teams will be accepted once all Cubs bandwagoners have been
processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based on our current
backlog of requests.

Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion form below. This will
help us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to
assist you in your recovery from your previous fan experience.

Please print:

Name: ___________________
Address: ___________________
City, State, Zip: ___________________

1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Chicago Cubs win the
pennant:

( ) 1945 (please leave this form at your nursing home front desk)
( ) Have never witnessed this event

2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Cubs history:

( ) Carmen Fanzone trumpeting the National Anthem
( ) Lou Brock traded to the St. Louis Cardinals for Ernie Broglio in 1964
( ) The College of Coaches in the early 1960’s.
( ) Lee Smith grooving a fastball to Steve Garvey in Game 4 of the 1984 NLCS
( ) Brant Brown dropping a fly ball in 1998, which forced a 1 game playoff with the Giants
( ) Grounder goes between Leon Durham’s legs during Game 5 of the 1984 NLCS
( ) Fan Steve Bartman interfering with a foul ball during Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS
( ) Blowing up the “Bartman Ball” (should have been Alex Gonzalez’ mitt)
( ) Leo Durocher’s AWOL visit to his sons’ military school during the 1969 pennant chase
( ) A black cat running in front of Ron Santo during a critical 1969 series at Shea Stadium
( ) Future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux is not tendered an offer and signs with the Braves
( ) The Atlanta Braves, featuring Maddux, sweep Cubs out of the 1989 playoffs
( ) Don Young dropping a fly ball in 1969
( ) Cubs do not tender Mark Grace who signs with the Diamondbacks and wins a World Series
( ) Manager Lee Elia’s profanity filled tirade at the beginning of the 1983 season.
( ) Sammy Sosa suspended for using a corked bat, marked with a C, during the 2003 season
( ) Cubs blow an 8 game August lead and finish 8 games behind the 1969 Mets
( ) Cubs RP Dickie Noles drinks 24 Schlitz in the clubhouse, attacks Cincinnati police
( ) Michael Jordan’s 6th inning RBI double against the Cubs, April 7th, 1994.

3. Reasons you believe the Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908:
(check all that apply)

( ) The curse of the billy goat
( ) Lack of good managing
( ) The curse of the billy goat
( ) Lack of good pitching
( ) The curse of the billy goat
( ) Lack of good hitting
( ) The curse of the billy goat
( ) Lack of good defense
( ) The curse of the billy goat
( ) Poor umpiring
( ) The curse of the billy goat

4. Have you experienced any of the following after a Cubs loss?

( ) Headache
( ) Uncontrolled anger
( ) Heartache
( ) Holes punched in inanimate objects (doors, walls, etc.)
( ) Nausea
( ) Broken television sets
( ) Depression
( ) Altercations (verbal or physical) with White Sox fans

5. Is October your least favorite time of the year?

( ) Yes
( ) No

6. Are you tired of saying, “Wait ‘til next year.”?

( ) Yes
( ) No

7. Are you ready to admit that:

( ) Harold Baines was better than Keith Moreland
( ) John Garland is better than Matt Karchner
( ) Ozzie Guillen was better than Shawon Dunston…and his “o-meter”
( ) Ozzie Guillen is better than Dusty Baker
( ) The next cub century will be no better than the last
( ) The ivy in the outfield serves no purpose other than housing annoying pests

Once you have completed this form, please forward it to The Cell. Then you must burn all of your remaining Cubs clothing, memorabilia and associated team reminders. After reviewing your request, a neighboring White Sox fan will contact you with notification of your acceptance or rejection (most likely rejection).

I hereby renounce the Chicago Cubs for all eternity on this the ___day of
________,20___.

______________________
(Signed)

______________________
(Witnessed)

( ) Approved
( ) Declined

______________________
(Jerry Reinsdorf)

Netflix, I own you now

2005-10-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Dave for finding this...

My Netflix info according to the analyzer:

Your results
You've rented 210 DVDs over 13 months from September 09, 2004 to October 13, 2005.
Your plan costs $17.99/month so you've paid $233.87 total.
Your average price per rental was approximately $1.11 each.
Average rental costs elsewhere are $4.50 each (not including late fees).
You've saved approximately $711.13 over your membership lifetime or $54.70 per month.
Here's some more about your renting habits...
You kept each rental for around 3 days on average.
The longest you kept a single DVD was 19 days: Fargo (1996).
You rented about 16 DVDs each month.
You're renting very close to the estimated limit for your plan of 19 DVDs each month.

My average would have been a lot better, but I kept Fargo for awhile waiting to watch it with Jen. My goal for 2005...19 per month!!!

Wanna Buy A Hotel Cheap?

2005-10-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

So it looks like my place of employment won't be changing hands anytime soon. The owners were looking to get about 300 million George Washingtons for this place and had 2 potential buyers. Upon closer inspection of the building, it was found to have severe water damage and some of the exterior marble isn't as close to the building as the city would like. The price tag for this sort of repair runs about 100 million. This was enough to send both buyers running scared. Now it looks like my job is secure, but I was looking forward to the inevitable decision as whether to stay with the company or stay in Chicago. Now I'll just look for a new job to escape the hell that will be my good friend M's maternity leave. Until then, watch out for flying marble when walking on Pearson Street!

Worship the Pasta

2005-10-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

While I was visiting my good friend K in Denver, we came across an ideal that could very well change our lives. In response of the Kansas board of education wanting to teach the theory of Intelligent Design, a new alternative has come up. The theory of all life was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster makes more sense than any of the other options out there. You be the judge and check it out.

Yugo Girl?

2005-10-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

Last week, Zastava, the Serbian company that built the now-defunct Yugo, signed a deal to begin producing Fiats under license. The first step will be to rebuild Zastava's factory, which was bombed by NATO in 1999. A Fiat-Yugo alliance -- can you think of a worse conjunction of low quality? It's like saying you've invented a new food that combines Spam and corn husks. Anyway, it's a shame the Yugo went out of production just a few years too soon. If it was still around, the company could offer a model called the Girl.

203 Million Reasons To Be Happy

2005-10-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

Being a typical Red Sox fan, I am happy not only when the Red Sox win. Any time the Yankees come up short, it also is cause for celebration. This isn't my fault. It's taught to us at a very early age. While other kids were learning how a bill becomes a law, we were learning the true evil that is Bucky Dent.

The bad news was my beloved Sox being ousted by the other sox in the playoffs. I take heart in knowing that not only did the Evil Empire fail to make it out of the first round, but they had a team that cost well over 200 million dollars to do that. At least now I can focus on what is important...football and hockey.

Happy Columbus Day

2005-10-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Columbus Day to all! I do enjoy a holiday that doesn't get in the way of me having to go to work. I guess the fact that we are celebrating somebody that "discovered" land that was already occupied says it all. I'm not even sure how to celebrate. Do we put 3 ships in the yard? Maybe we sink an Italian flag into the lawn. I'm not sure. They didn't cover this in school. Damn public school education. I curse you Brockton High!!

Tonight is going to be a treat. I'm heading over to a Katerina's for a showing of the 1993 classic, Dazed and Confused. I've been hit over the head with references of this movies in the past few days. I caught a rerun of SNL with Wooderson himself and then the Family Guy also parodied it. Seeing that they are playing the movie with a live concert featuring the soundtrack after the movie, I couldn't help myself.

Time to pretend to work now...

Happy Blogacatmas To All!

2005-10-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jen for pointing out this important day to me. Without any further adieu, I give you Electric Mayhem. Thanks to my good pal L for having such a great feline!

The Eagle Has Landed

2005-09-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, I made it back in one piece. The Gods of Air Travel did their best to keep me from getting here, but I rose above it all.

I woke up this morning to a wonderful thunder and lightning show to go with the pouring rain. It just me look so forward to that walk over to the bus stop to catch the 77 down Belmont to the Blue line. After running through the rain, I got lucky enough to have a bus waiting for me and got to the airport without incident. After checking in and having a quick bagel and coffee, I settled in at the gate. I popped in a Simpsons DVD and started to kill time until about 10 minutes before we should start boarding. After packing up and getting ready to get on the plane, an announcement came to let us know that our plane has not yet arrived. This was followed by another delay due to an ill flight attendant and then the best reason for being delayed I've ever heard. It seems that maintenance was working on the plane due to a defective oven. Yup, that's right. We can't fly if we can't make cookies in the air. We finally got to Providence around 2:30 which was only 90 minutes late. They had no rental car of the type I had requested, so I am driving an ugly White Grand Prix.

On a positive note, my parents took me out for Chinese. I still haven't found a place for Chinese in my hood. After a year and a half, I just stopped looking.

Time to start going through all the crap here. Bonus for me....They never threw out my home version of Remote Control. That is most definitely coming back to Chicago!!!

He's Got A Ticket To Ride

2005-09-21T00:56:00.000-07:00

Well about this time tomorrow I will be touching down in Darwin's waiting room, also known as Rhode Island. Yup, it's about time I make the journey home. Being a typical Mass-hole, I am required to trash the other New England states and Rhode Islanders just make it so easy. I land in Providence around 1, pick up the rental car and motor north towards Brockton.

It's been a busy time for Bosco lately. Between bike rides, houseguests and camping trips I've barely had time to blink.

I attempted to do the Lakefront Boulevard Tour on the 11th and came so close, but yet so far. I was having a good ole time, but the bonked right around the 55th mile. Jen and I had planned on cutting the ride short anyway since the end was just the bikepath. Right around Jackson, we decided to just head east and hit the part to head home. Didn't want to miss the Viking's game after all! Well, just as we made the left onto Jackson, there was a steady stream of air hitting her leg that once was inside the tire. Yep, flat tire. We were faced with a long walk of going from Damen to State with a sick bike when Jim, the SAG guy came by and gave us a lift to State so we could jump on the Red Line. We arrived safely back at 777, showered and filled up on some pasta before planning to head out to catch a lil football. Whoops...change of plans. It seems Ravens doesn't have the game due to having an illegal cable hookup. We chose napping over watching the Bears impersonate an NFL Team.

Fast forward to Tuesday and the arrival of my good friend T from my Navy days. We've been good friends ever since those days of mischief on the USS Nimitz. We all got out and T was the one that decided to stay in. Well, the Navy is sending him home and transferring him from London to a training base right here in Illinois. I've been kind enough to open my place up to him while he found himself a house, car and taking care of those things you need to take care of when you move. He wasn't even in the city for a couple of hours and I dragged him over to the Globe for Pub Quiz and we proved that a fast start doesn't guarantee victory. On Wednesday we headed to Roselle to look at a car that seemed too good to be true. It was. A few of the defects included a window that rolled up on the outside of the door, a driver side mirror that was replaced with a piece of plastic and an engine belt that gave new meaning to the word frayed. Upon further review, he was cleaning the car over the weekend and discovered no less than 5 bullet holes in the car. The ride's got character, you can say that. Oh, the tales it could tell!

For the weekend, Jen and I got in touch with our pioneer side and did some camping with some friends. Armed only with a whole bunch of gear and 2 cases of Miller Lite, we headed to the woods courtesy of our bud B who did the driving with the assistance of GPS Lady. The details of the camping trip are classified, but suffice it to say that while playing I Never, we foound out that one of our fellow campers does own a whip and leave it at that. We headed back early on Sunday so that we could all catch our teams do battle in the trenches in NFL week 2. Unfortunately, the Pats didn't play and they showed a bunch of imposters rolling over against the Panthers. I'm still hoping for a do over. No word on that yet.

Another Pub Quizzin' last night resulted in t-shirts for all in attendance. Yay for me. Free t-shirt! That brings me to tomorrow's trip home to the house for the last time. My parents have decided to sell and go condo. No more snow shovels or lawn mowers for them. I'm heading home to see if any of the crap in the basement or garage is stuff I may actually want to keep. I'm also heading home to put a stop to the nagging. I know I'm a terrible son and grandson because I never come visit. I don't know why they don't just stamp it on my forehead and let me go about my day. Jewish guilt...there is no substitute.

I guess I really should pack...

One Down, 18 To Go

2005-09-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

Football season is truly upon us as was evident last night when I pulled my Pat's jersey on and headed to Joe's to catch the season opener against the Raidahs. Now normally Joe's is a total sports bar with nothing else, but it seems that there was also a charity pig roast going on with a bunch of pretty people that did not seem to belong there. At one point some very well dressed socialite wants to chat with us about buying raffle tickets for some charity. Now, I'm all for charity, but not on 3rd and 4.

One new feature at Joes is their wireless capability. Yes, yours truly was "that guy" at the bar with his laptop. To be fair, I only brought so one my good friend L could set her fantasy lineup under the watchful eye of myself and the Rev. OK, so we fired it up at 1/2 time to check on the scores. Myself, I am getting my butt kicked due to Corey Dillon's big day, but if my fantasy team must suffer in the Pats quest for a threepeat, I'm fine with it.

I may sound old, but I remember back when a football game was on and you tuned in for a game. Now it seems likes they can't play without hours of pregame. What exactly do the Rolling Stones have to do with my Patriots? Oh well...1 and 0 and awaiting our next victim.

Next on tap is the Lakefront Boulevard Tour. Riding 62 miles at 6AM seems like a perfect way to get ready for a day of football.

Oh, I almost forgot...One of the chaps watching the game with us was not only rooting for the Raidahs, but professed to be a fan of both the Bears AND Packers. Explain to me how this is possible. It seems about the same as rooting for the Sox and Yankees or Cubs and Cardinals. This person must be destroyed before he can reproduce.

Reunited with the Skipper

2005-09-06T15:15:00.000-07:00

Sad news on the Gilligan front today. It seems our trusty first mate has passed on.

Because I was bored tonight....

2005-08-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Your Taurus Drinking Style

You prefer to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full on zonk.
When you're truly intoxicated, you are a one-person stampede...
A bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers.

Your preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of the world
This is not to say that you are by any means a teetotaler -- god, no.
You will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and are extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

Your Signature Cocktails

Early-to-bed Taureans need a picker-upper -- try a Red Bull and vodka. You likely have a leviathan sweet tooth and are fond of drinks with names that sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks, like Irish coffee or white Russians, are ideal. A little more macho? Then go for something unpretentious, like a Jack and Coke or whiskey sour.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Billy Joel, Kelly Clarkson, Jerry Seinfeld, Uma Thurman, Renee Zellweger, Carmen Electra, Dennis Rodman, and The Rock.

What's Your Alcohoroscope?

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Not a big surprise here

2005-08-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

Is there a draft in here?

2005-08-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon football season officially started. This was marked by the 1st MIC Fantasy Football draft. We had representation from the Patriots, Vikings, Steelers, Broncos, and even a Bears fan. Yes Virginia, there is a Bears fan. I was planning on posting the draft results last night, but due to consuming mass quantities of Miller Lite followed by a trip to Uncle Julios, when I got home I just passed out.

Draft results real soon....

At Least I'm Not A Hab

2005-08-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

Take the Which NHL Star Are You? Quiz

MIB 3?

2005-08-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

So I was minding my own business just trying to decide whether or not to play fantasy hockey this year and came across quite a sight. It seems that 20th Century Fox is planning a November 18th release for Walk the Line. It's a movie about the life of one Johnny Cash. I guess it's just another chance to cash in on the life of a dead artist. I'll probably end up seeing it and most likely hating it, but I'm sure there will be others that feel a lot stronger about this than me.

Can Quarterbacks Join AARP?

2005-08-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

So I was watching the 2nd quarter of the Patriots preseason game against the Saints when in strolled Doug Flutie. Being from New England, I am required to love Flutie just as it is necessary to have a hatred of the Yankees and Canadiens. Now Mr. Flutie is to put it nicely, a bit older than your average backup QB. The stat that opened my eyes was that when Dougie threw the Hail Mary of all Hail Marys against Miami, our current #3 QB was sitting in diapers at the ripe ol' age of 2.

And yes, I'll admit it. I have an empty box of Flutie Flakes displayed proudly at Chez Bosco. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Mmmm...Hostess

2005-08-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm complaining about the cake from my wedding, but why couldn't have this been offered as part of the package?

5 Diamonds Are A Hotel's Best Friend

2005-08-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

I can hold off on my dreams of handing out inner tubes at the Peninsula Hotel's waterslide park at Water Tower Place. It seems the big meeting was simply to announce that we had received a 5 diamond rating from AAA for 2006. Of course, the ironic thing is that if we are indeed sold by the end of the year it is all for naught.

We were given a little cham-pag-nah to toast our "achievement" and go back to work slightly buzzed. Speaking of work...time for Bosco to bail. It's play time!!!

Uh Oh....

2005-08-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

I was just informed of an "all hands" meeting for this afternoon. Could it be the official word about the beloved Ritz being sold? Time will only tell...

Nobody seems to believe my theory that we are being purchased by the Peninsula to be converted into a waterslide park.

5 Letters, A Type of Chocolate Sauce

2005-08-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

I just love the life of not having my own office. I just had the distinct honor of listening to a co-worker of mine(who is about 5 years older than the Earth itself) have a 15 minute conversation with someone about the crossword puzzle in today's Tribune. Hearing her ask "what did you get for 13 across?" Just flashed me back to those high school days of doing math homework over the phone. I think I'm ready to call it a weekend and spend some quality time with my good friends Mr. Johnny Walker and Samuel Adams.

Shall we start the bidding at say, 300 million?

2005-08-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

And so the bidding shall begin. Next week the bidding will open for a lovely piece of property downtown. There looks to be 16 different companies bidding on us, but the smart money has got to be with the Ritz-Carlton. Their name is already on the building and they are itching to get a piece of the Chicago market. My sources tell me that everything can be signed, sealed and delivered by the end of November.

My choices:

a. Find a new job in Chicago
b. Find a position elsewhere in the company and have to move
c. Wait and see who buys us and try to get hired by the new company

I'm leaning towards option c, but always keeping my eyes open with options a & b. I like it here and don't really want to move. If I'm lucky maybe something will simply open up for me across the street at the other hotel. Where's a crystal ball when you need one?

I Love Stupid People

2005-08-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

As if I needed a reason to think Yankee fans are morons, I get this little tidbit from last night's game against the Other Sox. Some people will do anything to get on Sportscenter.

Our Scrubs Are Better Than Your Scrubs!

2005-08-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

The Bears had their first pre-season game last night. They used to call them exhibitions, but then the NFL owners realized that they could change them to "pre-season" and force the season ticketholders to fork over money for 2 more games per year. I understand the need to get the players out on the field and work out the kinks, but every year it seems like some high profile player needlessly goes down. Usually it's right after my draft and I scramble to find a replacement.

There are a couple people are work that are excited about the Bears "victory". Maybe I'm cynical because lately the victories have been piling up for the Pats, but all last night's game showed was that the Bears have better 5th string players than the Dolphins. At least it means that we are less than a month away from the first game that counts on September 8th.

P.S. Welcome home to the crew of the Discovery.

He's baaaack

2005-08-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

When we last left the story, Todd Bertuzzi was seen sucker punching Steve Moore and breaking his neck. He was suspended for the remainder of the season and playoffs and reinstated today. I don't know if there will be any takers for his "services" but Jeremy Jacobs could always use a bodyguard.

Well, hairspray is expensive

2005-08-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

Can somebody please verify that it is truly 2005 and not 1987 right now? I was doing some work for a change and going through some stuff that we had charged a certain guest for over the weekend. I came across a charge of $825 for Motley Crue tickets. I figured it had to be a mistake, but that was wishful thinking. Yup, someone is paying $225 per ticket to see the same stuff that they could very easily see done by Hairbanger's Ball at Joes for 10 bucks. I guess having too much money can make you crazy.

It's dead, Jim

2005-08-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I've figured it was bound to happen, but it looks like The Chapelle Show is officially dead. They have filmed a lot of the skits, so hopefully they will find their way on to DVD. My Netflix queue awaits.

E.T. Phone Home

2005-08-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I got to the chance to see a classic on the big screen. This week's installment of Chicago's Outdoor Film Festival featured ET. I've seen the movie quite a few times, but the last time I saw it on a big screen was around the same time I would have been sneaking either a Rubik's Cube or Mattel's Electronic Football into Mr. Smith's class at the Raymond School.

The movie was just as good as I remember it, but what was really funny was the crowd reaction to the flying bicycles. You would think that Barry Bonds was taking the plate in an attempt to unseat Hank Aaron as the all time HR champion with all the flashbulbs that were going off. I guess these people really wanted a picture of the bikes against the moon. It kind of reminded me of probably the lamest ride at Universal Studios and also Professor Frink flying in his invention making the comment "If I stop pedaling I'll die, but it still beats US Air.
Next up for me in the movies outside is maybe The Hustler, but definitely Star Wars in a couple weeks.

99 Bottles of Scotch on the Wall, 98 Bottles of Vodka

2005-08-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

Yes...it's that time of the month again. I do so dread the first of every month. That's the day I get to count all the alcohol in the hotel without getting the chance to sample a single drop.

Just a little sample...Please??????

Good news for me!

2005-07-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

You Are 5% Redneck

I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.

You ain't no redneck - you're all Yankee!

How Redneck Are You?

The Sports Guy On Hockey

2005-07-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm willing to consider giving the NHL another chance, and here's why:

After peaking as a Red Sox fan (October, 2004), Celtics fan (the Bird Era) and Patriots fan (the Brady Era, ongoing), only one hurdle remains: The Stanley Cup. There was a time when I loved the Bruins as much as any other Boston team, but owner Jeremy Jacobs sucked the life out of me. If he didn't care about the Bruins, why should I? Also, the game was changing, and not for the better -- once the Devils rolled out that hideous zone trap in '95, the NHL should have just outlawed fighting, power-plays and rowdy drunk chicks in hockey jerseys. What a disaster.

And so hockey faded out of my life. In retrospect, I wasn't alone. After the NHL disappeared last fall -- a victim of overexpansion, skyrocketing ticket prices, absurd salaries and comically bad leadership -- the silence was deafening. Few people cared. Last winter and spring, when ESPN replaced hockey with random college basketball games (and I mean, really random, like Cadwallader State taking on Kahua Community College), women's softball, college lacrosse and just about anything else: "Up Close and Personal with the Sklar Brothers," "The Spelling Bee: Quarterfinal Regionals," "Budweiser Hot Seat: The Series," "Stu Yeah!" … you name it, the show would top the NHL's ratings from the previous season.

Clearly, this sport wasn't just in disarray -- it was being dismissed altogether. After 301 days, a canceled season and sweeping indifference, the NHL and its players came to a sobering conclusion: Let's fix this thing. And it was about damned time.

Without further ado, an Idiot's Guide to the NHL Lockout:

Q: What was the point? What was gained?

A salary cap. That was the biggie. The owners needed to completely overhaul their system under the premise, "Come on! It's hockey! You guys would be playing for $20 an hour! Who are you kidding?" Of course, the players' union was prepared to sit out two full seasons to prevent the cap from happening … at least, that was the plan. Once those bills started piling up and public pressure mounted -- oh, wait, there wasn't any public pressure -- they folded and accepted a considerably worse deal than they were offered six months ago. You know, the one that could have saved the season.

So to recap: Canceled season, lost wages, angry fans, worst deal possible. Ladies and gentleman, the NHL players' union!

(In a related story, union head Bob Goodenow resigned Thursday. At least we didn't find him in his garage with the car running. But seriously, imagine trying to find another job if you're Bob Goodenow? Can we stick him in a reality-TV house with Scott Layden, Wally Backman, Mike Price, Jim Paxson, Larry Eustachy and Mike Ovitz?)

Q: What was the biggest mistake the players' union made?

You mean, other than canceling an entire season, then caving? The players' biggest mistake was trying to protect a salary structure that made no sense in the first place. Look, we all knew hockey players in high school and college -- they're good guys and hard workers, they stink like sweaty hockey equipment, they can drink until the cows come home, they have no problem walking around naked in front of other guys, and they would absolutely be happy playing professionally for $20 an hour. This is a blue-collar sport for blue-collar fans, people who should never have to pay more than $35 to $40 for a ticket. And the players fit right into that. So why pretend that hockey players should be getting $10 million to $12 million per year?

For instance, let's say you have a favorite diner near your house. What do we love about diners? They're inexpensive. The food comes out fast. The coffee is always good. The chef in the kitchen has an "I hope these customers didn't see me on 'America's Most Wanted' look on his face. The gum-snapping waitress is in her 50's, but there's still something sexy about her, despite the smoking wrinkles and the missing left index finger. And you can kick back, read your newspaper, enjoy a decent omelet, home fries and some buttered toast, and flirt with a 53-year-old woman who was probably Patient X for Hepatitis B back in 1971. What's better than that?

Well, imagine if they quadrupled the price at the diner, the food took three times as long, you couldn't see the chef, all the waitresses looked like Kathy Bates, and they added so many breakfast items to the menu that you almost needed a translator to read the menu? Would you ever go there again? Of course not. And that's what the NHL never realized until it was too late. It was the breakfast diner of professional sports leagues, nothing more. Unfortunately, it took a 301-day lockout -- as well as every cable channel basically saying, "Thanks, but no thanks" -- for everyone to realize this.

Q: Was the players' union happy with how everything unfolded?

Of course not. Here's what three of the biggest stars said:

Jeremy Roenick: "I still think [it's] brutal. But we want to play again."

Brett Hull: "It's a terrible deal."

Chris Chelios: "This deal is not good for any of the players and everybody realizes that."

And I empathize with these guys. Really, I do. If ESPN.com came to me this week and said, "Look, we're losing money, we need to renegotiate your contract or we'll have to fold the Web site," would I be upset about it? Absolutely. But what can you do? So I have to sell one of my houses and a few of my sports cars, and maybe I can't stay in the Rain Man suite at the Hard Rock anymore. Them's the breaks.

Q: What's the coolest part of the deal?

That they installed a cap and completely revamped the salary structure. Eventually, this might even show up in lowered ticket prices (cross your fingers).

The nitty-gritty facts: All remaining contracts were rolled back 24 percent, with teams having an option to then buy out those contracts for two-thirds the total … the cap is directly tied to the league's revenue projection, so higher-end teams can't spend more than $39 million, and lower-end teams have to spend at least $22 million … you can't spend more than 20 percent of your cap on one player, meaning that no hockey player can make more than $8 million per season … and with the bumped-up minimum (from $175,000 to $400,000), it's nearly impossible for a team to have two or three $8 million guys (so long, competitive advantage for the Wings and 'Lanche).

Note: Personally, I would have made the high end of the cap $2 million and the low end $1 million, with no player able to make more than $350,000 per season, and the league minimum being the aforementioned $20 an hour … with players getting time and a half for overtime games. But that's just me.)

Q: What's the second-coolest part of the deal?

One word: Shootouts!

No more ties, no more standings that look like Lotto numbers, no more kissing your sister. Some purists are dead-set against the shootout concept, which is perplexing to me. Why would you be against something that makes the sport more exciting? I'm going to apply my time-proven "Channel Flick Test" introduced last February, when I was arguing the merits of a "Teammate Half-court Shot" at NBA's All-Star Weekend. Forget about how dumb it would be to watch teammates like Shaq and D-Wade launching as many half-court shots in 90 seconds for a second, desperately trying to top Kobe and Odom's score of eight. Would you turn the channel? Of course not.

The same goes for shootouts. If I'm flicking channels and stumble across a random hockey game, only four things are going to stop me in my tracks: A penalty shot, a fight, a shootout, or a mullet. And I don't think I'm alone.

Q: Wait, shootouts? How does this affect gambling on hockey games?

The team that wins the shootout will be credited with one more goal. So if you have the Islanders in a parlay with the over of six, and it's 3-3 heading into OT, and they win the shootout … not only is the final score "4-3 Islanders" but you just covered your bet. See, aren't you glad I'm here?

Q: What's the worst part of the deal?

For whatever reason, they didn't jettison any franchises (even though they overexpanded in the '90s faster than Krispy Kreme, one of the main reasons we're in this mess). If I were running the NHL, I would have insisted on dumping our franchises in New Jersey, Tampa Bay, Minnesota, Atlanta, Florida, Nashville, Columbus, San Jose, Anaheim, Sacramento, Fresno, Omaha, Ithaca and Anchorage -- that's more than one-third of the current league. Then, I would have given back teams to Quebec and Winnipeg (if Degrassi High can return to Canada, so can the Nordiques and Jets) and added one in Vegas (under the "every league should have a team in Vegas" corollary). That would have given us 24 teams, including eight in Canada (the only country on the planet that cares about hockey). Perfect number.

Q: What's the second-worst part of the deal?

As the owner of eight hockey fight tapes from the '70s and '80s, as well as someone who still regards Stan Jonathan's beating of Pierre Bouchard as the highlight of my childhood, I was outraged with the new fighting rules. Not only will anyone who instigates a fight in the final five minutes of a game receive a game misconduct and automatic one-game suspension, the length of the suspension doubles for each additional incident. Basically, they're imploring us to turn the channel with five minutes left if either team is up by three goals.

(It's almost like they're openly taunting Vince McMahon to start the XHL at this point. I know I've written this a million times, but if the XHL goes head-to-head against the NHL on Tuesday nights … well, which league would you watch? I know where I would be.)

Q. How will the quality of play be different?

Nearly every rule change was made to speed up games, encourage more scoring chances and prevent 2-1 games and scoring champions with 79 points for the entire season. For instance …

• They extended the blue lines and decreased the neutral zones, making it easier to maintain control of the puck onsides, and allowing more room to operate on power plays (just nod and pretend you know what I'm talking about).

• Two-line passes are now legal, which makes it easier for good passers and forwards to sneak away from their own end for potential breakaways. At least that's the plan. Just remember, when R. Kelly was telling his music company, "So I want to make a series of videos based on these songs from the new album, and the actors in the videos will actually pretend to say the words to the songs," that sounded like a good plan, too.

• Not only will goalies draw penalties for freezing the puck unnecessarily, but anyone who intentionally flips the puck into the crowd gets a penalty. (Note: I'm against this rule because it means less pucks for the fans.) Also, defenders won't be allowed to interfere/hook/hold/obstruct anymore (although they say this every year). And if you cowardly ice the puck, you can't change lines (but the other team can). I like that last rule -- the thought of a worn-out team accidentally icing the puck eight times in a row, then players slowly beginning to collapse on the ice sounds tremendous.

Q: If you're an NHL goalie, should you be frightened right now?

Absolutely. Every one of those aforementioned wrinkles was designed to increase scoring and make your life a living hell. Plus, remember the era of the giant goalie pads? Gone. Now their equipment will be reduced by 10 to 15 percent, with any violations triggering a two-game suspension for the goalie, a $25,000 fine for the team and even a $1,000 fine for the equipment manager (who's probably thinking to himself, "Wait, how did I get dragged into this?").

One more thing: They moved the nets closer to the boards and changed it so goalies can only play the puck within a 28-foot, trapezoidal area behind the net that extends 6 feet from either goal post. If you skate beyond that area, it's an automatic two-minute penalty, which will be fun if only to hear what they call the penalty. Two minutes for trapezoidal desertion?

(Confused? So am I. They should have gone with Plan B -- tying the goalie to the net with a 10-foot chain, almost like how you would tie up your pet rottweiler outside. Wouldn't that be fun to see goalies occasionally forgetting about the chain, skating towards an errant puck, then cruelly getting yanked backward when the chain extends too far? Plus, they could potentially get caught up in the chain, or use it to trip other players … really, I see no downside here. Although it will be loads of fun to hear Barry Melrose pronounce the word "Trapezoid.")

Q: What's the Claude Lemieux Rule?

The name I bestowed on the following new rule: if an offensive player clearly dives to get a call, not only will he receive a two-minute penalty during the game, but the league's office will review game tapes and dole out after-the-fact fines to any scumbags -- err, players who embellish a fall or fake an injury. Wait, it gets better. The first offense gets a warning letter. The second and third offenses draw $1,000 and $2,000 fines. The fourth offense results in a game suspension. And with the fifth offense, you get sent to Shawshank and Warden Norton casts you down with the sodomites.

Q: What are the new drug testing rules?

Best described like this: "Um, we don't really have a drug problem in hockey -- these guys are too hungover to do drugs. Please don't bring this up again."

Q: What will happen to the unpopular Jeremy Roenick and the wildly unpopular Todd Bertuzzi?

I think they should fight to the death to kick off the season, but that's probably not happening. Anyway, it looks like Bertuzzi will be suspended for 20 more games while Roenick assumes the mantle of "most vilified player in every opposing arena." And if this leads to JR's own SportsCentury episode in which I get to remember what it was like to play him in "NHL '94" back in the day, I'm all for it.

Q: What happened to the NHL Draft?

Well, they skipped the last two, but they get to make up for it with Saturday's "we haven't had a draft in two years, so this baby is especially loaded with talented players you've never heard of!" belated draft, which will be highlighted by Sidney Crosby (billed as the best prospect since Mario Lemieux, which seems interesting because apparently, we all agreed to agree that the Eric Lindros Era never happened, only I never got the memo) going first to the Penguins and moody singer/guitarist Jack Johnson going second to Vancouver.

(And yes, the Penguins landed the No. 1 pick after an emergency drawing last week in which Gary Bettman proved that he was so inept, he couldn't even rig a lottery to make sure Crosby ended up in a major market. Like anyone would have cared. Shouldn't WNBA rules have applied here? "Um, Crosby has an aunt who lives in Winnetka … that means we have decided to award him to the Chicago Blackhawks!" No offense to the good people of the 'Burgh, but hasn't that franchise been on the ropes for about 15 years? Hell, Mark Cuban hails from Pittsburgh and even he won't buy them. And this is a guy who once gave Raef LaFrentz a $60 million contract extension. Now we're sending the future of the league there? I'm concerned.)

Q: Did they forget to do anything with the lockout agreement?

Other than dumping the entire regular season for an eight-month playoff format? I think they missed three things. First, I would have shortened the penalty boxes so that, if there were ever more than three players in there, somebody would have had to sit on someone else's lap. Second, I would have hired a manager for every enforcer (like in pro wrestling) so that the between-period interviews would have been more fun. And third, to steal a joke from reader Jason in San Francisco, I would have forced ESPN's Bill Clement to speak and act like Ron Burgundy at all times, even if it meant he had to say "I will punch you in the ovaries" to Gary Thorne at the end of every telecast.

Q: Anything else we forgot to mention?

Nothing major. You can't become a free agent until you turn 31, although that will eventually drop to 27. There's something called two-way arbitration (don't ask). They're shutting down operations next February for the Winter Olympics, as a way of showcasing the game's top stars … which would have been an interesting idea if it didn't completely fail four years ago. They're making the game more accessible -- miked players, cameras in the locker room, maybe even cameras on the referees and players. Oh, and every NHL team needs to sign between 15-20 players apiece. Thank God Chad Ford doesn't cover the NHL -- he would have had a nervous breakdown by now.

(They still don't have a TV contract (except for the last 5 games of the Finals on NBC), which is funny because even the Tour de France has a TV contract at this point. And there you see Armstrong … he's the guy in the pack of 20 bikers… and, um, they're riding … and, um, Armstrong just drank some water … and this heat means absolutely nothing because there are like 75 stages to this thing, so as long as he doesn't fall down, he's going to win again … and, um, we're going uphill now … You're telling me that competitive cycling has a TV deal and professional ice hockey doesn't? What's happening to this country?)

Q: All right, let's test you and see if you're genuine about following hockey again -- what moves are the Bruins planning to make this summer?

Ahhhhhh, yes. You want to see if I'm paying attention again. Well, we only had three guys under contract when the dust cleared, so it has basically been a free-for-all. The big dilemma has been figuring out a way to keep Joe Thornton and Sergei Samsonov while having enough cap flexibility to sign everyone else. It's almost like watching a fantasy draft unfold online -- the possibilities are limitless. Plus, we have a guy named Sully coaching the team, as well as an honest chance to compete now that the cap prevents big market teams from outspending our cheapskate owner. I'm cautiously optimistic. Not optimistic enough to splurge for the "Center Ice" package, but cautiously optimistic.

Because here's the thing: Hockey should work. You couldn't draw up a better HDTV sport. It's impossible. You can see the numbers, see the faces under the helmets, see the puck, even see the faces in the crowd. It's perfect. Throw in the inevitable scoring surge, have shootouts deciding games and a Bruins team with a genuine chance to compete for a Cup … and you know what? I just might start following hockey again.

(On second thought … nahhhhhhhh.)

Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. His Sports Guy's World site is updated every day Monday through Friday.

One Down, One To Go

2005-07-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

The pieces from the NHL lockout are starting to fall. My hope was both Bob Goodenow and Gary Bettman would fade away. Well, we are halfway there now...

There's no crying in football

2005-07-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

As if I needed a reason to make fun of the Dolphins, I just found this gem on ESPN.com. Maybe they should change the team name to The Rockford Peaches.

I'm wicked smaht!!

2005-07-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Genius
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Bring on the Ducks

2005-07-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

The NHL just released the schedule for the upcoming season and the Blackhawks will open at home against the Mighty Ducks. Sadly there will be no visit from my Bruins. It looks like I'll have to venture home to catch the B's this season.

Boscopalooza

2005-07-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well I finally went to my first Lollapalooza. I never thought I'd get the chance since it shut down only to be revived this year in Chicago.

After the whole ticket fiasco, I biked over to Grant Park on Thursday to pick up our wristbands before heading over to a gelatofest at the old Rock & Roll McDonalds. I'd like to say it was fun, but come on...it was McDonalds. My official review was that the gelato was "surprisingly good." I was one of the few people in our group that abstained from any of the alleged food there and opted for some Portillo's to go before heading home for some fine dining.

Saturday was an early rise day to grab much needed carbs before heading over to Day 1. We arrived with water bottles in tow and cruised through security past the fountain and to 5 stages where only softball fields used to stand. We bounced around at the beginning between The Warlocks and M83 before settling in for And You Will Know Us By the Trail Of the Dead. Kaiser Chiefs put on a nice display going so far as to apologize for a strained voice and bring some fans on stage to "help out." After Kaiser was done, we met up with Dave who had been at Liz Phair.

We milled about until Cake came on at 4:30. At some point, Jen's ankles decided that they no longer wanted to play. Being the trooper she is, she made it through the Cake show and then we headed for some food and sit down time. We spent our down time wolfing down some pizza and listening to a combo of Billy Idol and Blonde Redhead. After our rest period, it was time for Primus, the Pixies and Weezer. We were lucky enough to find a bus outside the park that turned into a shuttle to Chez Bosco. Upon trying to leave the bus, Jen discovered that she was no longer among the walking. After providing a much needed crutch, rest was in order for day 2.

Day 2 was nothing short of a sweat box. I headed over early to catch OK-Go. I wanted to hear the band that graced Madden 2003. After trying to sit on the field, we headed for shadier pastures and came across a hose. With 100 degree temps, it only made sense to douse each other with the hose. We pretty much spent most of the day in shade. We ventured back out to catch Tegan & Sara. Unfortunately, they had to cut their set short due to heat sickness. We then headed over to Jamba Juice for some much needed refreshment. I contemplated heading home at this point, but decided to suck it up and head back into the oven. Dave, Jen and I just pulled up some shade and watched what we could. By the time The Dandy Warhols started playing, the sun had started to fall in the sky to allow us back on our feet and in front of the stage. We decided that we would rather go home than stick around for Death Cab For Cutie and grabbed some White Hen sandwiches and much needed showers.

I was never so excited to come home to an air conditioned apartment. Now I hear it's going to be in the 70's tomorrow. Looks like Bosco is leaving work early!!!

Central air, there really is no subsitute

2005-07-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I just heard yesterday was the hottest day in Chicago since 1995. Lucky me, I was outside all day at Lollpalooza. I've never been so happy to have an apartment with air conditioning.

Welcome back NHL

2005-07-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

Let's Go Red Sox

2005-07-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

So last night I continued my quest to see as many Red Sox games in Chicago as I possibly could this year. To date, I have now seen 3, which is more than I used to be able to get to in Boston due to ticket availability being what it is. A few months back I had planned on catching at least 3 of the games in the ghetto this weekend, but along came Lollapalooza. That shot Saturday and Sunday out the window, but I wasn't going to miss it either.
The Red Sox games at Wrigley were a good time. I sat behind home plate(about 30 rows behind) for one game and in the world's biggest beer garden(also known as the bleachers) for the Sunday night game. I love Wrigley, but the majority of the fans are there to be seen and drink beer. Sort of the anti-Fenway crowd.
Well, last night my good friend C and myself headed to the Cell early to try to get into the Bullpen Bar. Upon entering the Bullpen Bar, you are given the choice of first come, first serve seating below or paying and additional $15 for a wristband and your very own table. We wound up about 10 feet from the right field foul pole and came very close to several batting practice homeruns landing in our 24 ounce bottles of beer. The other nice part about these seats was being so close to the Red Sox bullpen. Upon returning from a bladder draining in the restroom, I ducked at what I thought was a gunshot. It seems it was nothing more than a warmup pitch from Curt Schilling landing squarely in the glove of Doug Mirabelli. I will definitely try these seats when we go see the White Sox take on the Evil Empire.
Oh yeah...the Red Sox beat the White Sox 6-5. Take that C!!!

Google, you're so silly

2005-07-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

To honor the 35th anniversary of the moon landing, you can now see a satellite picture of that floating orb. At first glance it seems just so-so. Go ahead and zoom all the way in to see what really makes the moon tick.

Show me da moon

I've figured it out

2005-07-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

For those of us wondering why a room where I work costs in excess of 800 bucks for a bed and a few pillows, I may have some insight.

My co-worker M just spent about 20 minutes researching our ordering system to uncover where exactly her boss L can get his hands on the turkey burgers served today in the cafeteria. When you pay someone what she makes to perform this important research it only makes sense to pass the cost on to the consumer.

But then again, we do offer turndown service for dolls.

Your tax dollars at work?

2005-07-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

Last week while Jen's little bro was occupying the couch and remote control, he happened upon the movie Men Of Honor about Navy divers. I don't know if it was dialogue or the Miller Lite, but it got me reminiscing about the good ole days. Before I knew it, I was on my way to the website of the USS Nimitz. Yes, yours truly was an aircraft carrier dweller. Perhaps sleeping just a few feet under heavily armed jets landing on steel has enabled me to consider sleeping throught a little wind to be child's play.

I still can't believe some of the stuff we got away with while I was on the government's dime. There is more than just a couple things we no longer considered needed sitting on the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. For that matter, some of it is resting peacefully on the floor of the Puget Sound. Don't get me wrong now. This is not "official Navy procedure." We were just too lazy to bring our trash to the proper dumping place. We would time it so that our trash bags would make their splash into a watery grave at the same time a 25 ton aircraft would land. The plane tends to make a bit more noise.

Then of course, there is the officer who didn't "play the game" according to our rules. We decided that he was just the way he was due to a lack of reading material. Well, 250-300 subscription cards later and he had plenty to read. Quick side note: They don't necessarily throw those cards away. Yours truly found himself in the midst of a fraud investigation with copies of those cards presented as evidence. Fortunately the investigation was headed by a good pal and the charges somehow disappeared. Once again my networking skills pay great dividends.

In case you're wondering, the magazines that good ole Lt. R. received weren't exactly G rated. Lesson #1 is don't piss off Team Lens. We won't make you eat your parents like Eric Cartman would, but we did enjoy getting revenge on people who made our lives unpleasant. Whether it was overflowing your mailbox with magazines or throwing a stinkbomb into your ventilation system, we let the punishment fit the crime. About that stinkbomb. Our apologies to Mongo from VS-33. He was good people. Too bad the same can't be said about the rest of his squadron.

There's plenty more I can admit to doing, but it's all classified. Only myself and my good friends A & T will know.

Ha Ha Fed Ex...I win!

2005-07-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

They finally came!! Due to a shipping screw up, I never thought I was going to Lollapalooza. They were first delivered to 9777 N. Michigan Ave even though it doesn't exist. After that, they apparently brought them to my building under Jen's name. Since she doesn't live here, they sat behind the desk for nearly a week. After finally getting a straight answer from Fed Ex yesterday, I just had them delivered to work. I literally ran when the Concierge called to tell me they were here. Now if only the Presidents were playing next weekend. A boy can dream, can't he?

Oh, the places I've been

2005-07-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

I just stumbled across this. Looks like I need to get out of the country a bit more. I don't know that I'll ever get all 50 states. Alabama and North Dakota are not high on my "must visit" list.

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

2005-07-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

You know it's a busy weekend when you don't have time to sleep. My friend's goodbye party was a great time. It started on the roof in the pool even though some people forgot their swimming clothes. After the rest of the people arrived, we moved it downstairs to my apartment for liquor and I got to introduce everyone to Happy Tree Friends. The combination of watching Toothy & Cuddles suffer agonizing deaths mixed with the Bacardi made for a great time. We closed out the night playing old school Nintendo until about 3.

On Saturday our hero awoke at 8AM to find two houseguests sprawled on the couch and floor. Apparently my floor passed C's sleep test with flying colors. I couldn't fall back asleep, so I just stayed up. After finally prying myself away from Cheers, I headed over to Jen's to grab my bike for the L.A.T.E. Ride. The ride itself was alright, but the sheer number of people made going anything over 10MPH seem like an epic achievement. We got back to the fountain around 4 and just hung out waiting for the sun to make it's scheduled appearance at 5:24 AM. Only 2 more hours until Gingers is open for donuts and Lance!

Gingers was closed, relocate to Melrose diner for eggs and took my tired self to Jen's couch. I threw in Slapshot and it acted like a beacon because about 20 minutes into the movie, in walks Dave to work on Pub Quiz. After watching the Hanson brothers goon it up, we headed over to Gingers(which was now open) for a quick snack and maybe a beer. 7 beers later and barely able to keep my head up, I pedaled home and collapsed in bed. I'm so glad to be at work today...I need to relax!

Bye bye Katie

2005-07-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday! Today was a short day at work since I was one of the lucky ones to work on Monday. I headed over to Jen's to help her get ready for her trip east to hang out with the fam in Ohio. With Jen planning to be out of town, I found myself with no plans for the evening.

Enter my good friend K back from Denver for the day before embarking on a month long trek through Alaska. After a quick lunch at Foodlife, it was determined that we should have people over to finish what is left of her alcohol stash. By having it at Chez Bosco, the leftover booze belongs to me. How will I ever dispose of leftover alcohol? I'm sure I'll find a way. After all, I was in charge of the beer committee for Team Mopundow a couple weeks ago.

Now to get some mixers at Walgreens...

Listen to the bottle

2005-07-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

If the bottle speaks, will you listen?

I had always told myself that when the wine talks to me, it's time to stop drinking. I can just picture it now. I'm sitting at a movie in the park and just as Luke finds out that not only is Vader his father, but Leia is his sister, my wine starts yapping away about what foods to pair with it.

The last thing I need is being told what to do by a bottle. Now if the bottle was to hand out advice on job openings in downtown Chicago, maybe I could get into that.